You Never Know What You’re Going to Get

I may have mentioned this before, but I think about myself a lot like The Doctor from Doctor Who. Every now and then, he regenerates and becomes a new man. The same man yet different in many ways. For me, it’s always been some setback that’s triggered my “death” and subsequent regeneration. In the past, it’s been either something emotionally impacting (suppressed feelings do and can boil over; when they do, watch the fuck out). This time, it was more life circumstances. I was working and going to school full time. Either began to suffer as a result of my tiredness. In choosing between the two, I chose school. As a result, I lost my health benefits. That also means I lost my doctor. I went without my medications for two months. Bad mistake. My depression, anxiety, and self destructive tendencies returned. Part of it was my fault. I was waiting on the state and the DMH to help. By this time, I knew what was coming. I had to head it off. So I  did. And again I am going through treatment. This time, I feel as if I am letting a lot of people down by not graduating on time. And I feel it’s my fault for being in this mess. Now, once again, I am regenerating. Who will I be this time?

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