Truth in self-advertising

I update and write on this about as much as…well..I don’t know. I jst don’t update a lot.

Anyway, thought I’s write a little of my “philosophy” as it were.  Thesde are my own thoughts. Where I have taken from other writers, I have given credit. By other writers, I mean philosophers like Plato, Aristotle, and those men.


You hear this word used a lot by many people. They say that they know it and that their truth is the only one. To me that is just total bullshit. I see truth as I see many things in our universe: unknowable.  Simply put: there is no such thing as an universal truth. Like many other things in life, we’re exposed to a perceived truth from an early age. As such it becomes part of who we are. Therefore, it becomes a certainty. It all depends on where we were born, to what type of society we were born into, and when we were born. Someone who was born in Germany in 1930 has a different life outlook than someone born in the USA in 1990. It is sort of like the old “nature versus nuture” arguement: how we turn out depends on either how were born or how we were raised, A personal truth is lke that. It’s a combination of the two.

My truth is my own truth. It’s an evolution of my experiences. What was a truth to me 15 years ago is not a truth for me now. In another 10 years, my future truth will be different than the one I have now. I think it’s because I will become a different person then. Upon becoming a new person, I shall have  new truth to go along with the new persona.

Further, I think that each person’s definition and self perception of truth gives them a sense of both purpose and comfort. That’s fine as long as that truth does not hurt other people or things AND as long as it doens’t encrouch on the truths of others.

This is where my biggest issue with the whole convoluted idea of truth lies: there are those out there who are 100% convinced their truth is the ONLY one and that others with different ones are wrong and are in need of guidance. They feel the need to tell us they know “the truth” and that we’re too blind to see.

I see it as the opposite: because I refuse to accept an abolsute truth, I am free. My mind is free enough to see other possibilites and others so-called truth. It also allows me to let my personal evolution happen without hinderance.

So, my my own truth live as it is now. Let it be “immature” enough to grow as I do. I may not (no one may not) ever know the absolute truth during their lifetime. But that’s fine. Because I think once we know tjis, then the mysyery of life is gone. It’s all solved. It’s all known. There will be no use in evolving as individuals ever again.

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Introduction to Japanese







What the hell does that say? I’ll tell you. This is an experiment.  I am trying to get into relearning Japanese. I thought I’d do this by starting a tutorial on some simple Japanese. This way I can teach a little as well as pull back information long since locked off into the recesses of my mind.

Japanese isn’t that hard to learn. It’s easier than German. Many people probably see the way the language if written and step back. How in the hell can I read that? Once you get the basic sounds of the language down and then learn basic hirigana and katakana, you can read read some of the Japanese texts out there. However, for those just learning, I’d stick to manga geared towards a younger audience. More about that in a bit.

There are five basic sounds in Japanse. Words are all based on these five sounds. There are a few exceptions. Here are the five basic vowels:

a  (short A sound in English)

i   (long E sound in English)

u  (sounds like the o’s in moon)

e  (like the E in wet)

o  (sounds like O in fort)

They’re pronounced in a short, clipped tone. Again there are exceptions. There are a few long vowel sounds as well.

a   (long A in English)

u   (like a long U in English)

o   (like the long O in English)


Ao  (ah O)  (blue)

Ie   (Long E eh) (house)

Ue  (<m>oo<n>  EH)  (top)

Aoi  (Ah short O long E)  (is blue)


These sounds are presented in hirogana below. There will be more about hitigana & katanana & kanji later.

a     あ

i      い

u     う

e     え

o     お

The symbols above are hirigana and they’re pretty much what taught first.

If this has been helpful in anyway, let me know. The next lession will cover more pronounciations of the basic sounds in combinations. I will also get into what hirigana, katakana, and kanji are. Then I will start with the “a” row of the hirigana table.


There are two words that are pronounced incorrectly in English

manga  is not prnounced (MAY n gah)  based on what I said today, the word is pronounced MAH n gah)

anime  is not pronounced (ANN knee may)  it is pronounced (AH knee meh)

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One Day I Shall Come back

After four weeks sequestered (away from school & most everything else), I am returning to “the real world”.  While this go around wasn’t nearly as bas the last, I somehow feel better after the “battle”. In the end, I’ve come away with coping skills that I did not have previously. I didn’t focus on the social aspect of treatment this time and I think this somehow helped. I wasn’t interested in making friends as much as getting better. I did manage to make one new one. That counts.

Anyway, I was able to admit a couple of new issues that I had kept secret. One: a slight eating disorder. I recall sitting in class and reading/learning about them. I always felt odd because I knew, deep down, that I probably had one. I came clean with the clinician. I don’t know if I should classify it as “anorexia” or not. I over exercise to burn the calories I consumed the day before…in fear of getting fat. I am well within the normal weight for my height and have a normal BMI. BUT I still and feel over weight. I will sometimes not eat certain things because I know that I will compel myself to exercise. I will wake up, with exercise on my mind. I get anxious getting home so I can go and run. On the days I don’t or can’t go, I am very anxious and feel as if I am gaining 1,000 pounds that day for not doing anything. Irrational. I know better. But somehow I still have this fear. It’s hard to control.

The other issue I would rather not get into here. It’s just something I am, for the time, ashamed of. Let it stan at that.

Anyway, I am glad to be getting back to normal as I can.

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You Never Know What You’re Going to Get

I may have mentioned this before, but I think about myself a lot like The Doctor from Doctor Who. Every now and then, he regenerates and becomes a new man. The same man yet different in many ways. For me, it’s always been some setback that’s triggered my “death” and subsequent regeneration. In the past, it’s been either something emotionally impacting (suppressed feelings do and can boil over; when they do, watch the fuck out). This time, it was more life circumstances. I was working and going to school full time. Either began to suffer as a result of my tiredness. In choosing between the two, I chose school. As a result, I lost my health benefits. That also means I lost my doctor. I went without my medications for two months. Bad mistake. My depression, anxiety, and self destructive tendencies returned. Part of it was my fault. I was waiting on the state and the DMH to help. By this time, I knew what was coming. I had to head it off. So I  did. And again I am going through treatment. This time, I feel as if I am letting a lot of people down by not graduating on time. And I feel it’s my fault for being in this mess. Now, once again, I am regenerating. Who will I be this time?

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Hymne L’Amour

Just one of my fave Edith Piaf songs


Le ciel bleu sur nous peut s’effondrer,
Et la terre peut bien s’écrouler,
Peu m’importe si tu m’aimes,
Je me fous du monde entier.

Tant qu’ l’amour innondera mes matins,
Tant qu’mon corps frémira sous tes mains,
Peu m’importent les problèmes,
Mon amour, puisque tu m’aimes.

J’irais jusqu’au bout du monde,
Je me ferais teindre en blonde,
Si tu me le demandais.
J’irais décrocher la lune,
J’irais voler la fortune,
Si tu me le demandais.
Je renierais ma patrie,
Je renierais mes amis,
Si tu me le demandais.
On peut bien rire de moi,
Je ferais n’importe quoi,
Si tu me le demandais.

Si un jour, la vie t’arrache à moi,
Si tu meurs, que tu sois loin de moi,
Peu m’importe si tu m’aimes,
Car moi je mourrais aussi.

Nous aurons pour nous l’éternité,
Dans le bleu de toute l’immensité,
Dans le ciel, plus de problème,
Mon amour, crois-tu qu’on s’aime?

Dieu réunit ceux qui s’aiment

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The Journey

Upon the dust and rock I ride in time

And space to reaches of black void,

Swatches of brilliant color and vibrant hue, 

To endless corners and timeless eras.

I hold everything in the palm of my hand

That has ever been and will ever be,

I see the end and the beginning at once

Swirl within an orb of pulsing, liquid life.

I am aware of the stark finite and the endless

Chasms of life upon the hurtling spheres,

Both with and without form I see the truths

Of those whose hearts and minds travel with mine. 

Onto the pinpoints of burning light I cast my eyes

And see the storm of chaos and the calm of nothing,

The mystery of existence, the confusion of mere being 

And the cascade of endless, soulful dreams.

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Braver Than We Are

“I wish my life were shining like a star. The tears are never very far, the fears are never very far. We always seem much braver than we ever are. We always dream we are braver than we ever are.”

Braver Than We Are, “Dance of the Vampires”


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